I am a feces’ist

So it’s been almost 2 years since I’ve wrote anything, and my absence can be best justified as ,

“Longing for something is better than having it.”

But it’s about time that I empty my head of all the shit it’s been full of.

I won’t lie to you guys, but I’m a shitty writer. The only thing I’m good at writing is “SHIT’.  So I wrote a little something last night approximately at 3:40 Am after the Sehri. I was chilling. Hope you can judge me better from this post.

I have traveled the world and uncovered its mysteries. From all the places I've been, TOILET has been the most educating. It’s a common perception that people go in the toilet just to sit and do their "stuff" while reading text messages and tweets, refreshing the interaction tab hoping to get a retweet to their most recent tweet (Which most of the time is, “Going to the toilet. “ )  OR hoping somebody would tweet, “LOAD SHEDDING ENDED”. Well this is a basic psychology; it increases the 'pressure' if you know what I mean. Anyways...That is not the point. Let’s continue shall we.

To me toilet has been a "shitty" battlefield. For all my strategic planning, I move my ass to the toilet. Sometimes, in the “red alert” moments, it’s very urgent to take action as you can lose your dignity (Know what I mean).
Anyway I once went into the toilet on a full scale red alert. Alarms were buzzing inside my belly and the announcement was made,

"Warning! Warning! All gases and bombs are to be evacuated immediately. This is not a drill!!”

 After that, I immediately produced the "sirens”  which are to make the enemy aware that I have come to attack and also to let the Family members know that my toilet strategic planning has just started.
Then I called an air raid of B-52 Bombers which dropped toxic bombs on "Arabian Sea"...Splash!!! Dirty Water Everywhere! There was an outbreak of chlorofluorocarbons which depleted the ozone layer completely. (I don't care about global warming though). Then the radiation killed everyone. There were some dheet people left like Justin Bieber and Amir Liaqat and Ask.fm’rs. But then I called in a "tsunami".... they were killed successfully.

After that fateful incident, many questions were raised in my mind. One of the most prominent of them was that:

• ·         Would Americans call me a feces’ist??

• ·         Would they remember it just like 9/11, The Afghan and The Iraq war?

This is trash talk. One thing is for sure "Nargis Fakhri" is to blame ( YOU HEAR THAT NARGIS FAKHRI , YEAH YOU!!! I PUT THE BLAME ON YOU!! DO WHAT YOU CAN) perhaps Talibans are to blame. Perhaps the "One Direction’ers" or the relatives of "Ifrah Noor" are to be blamed. But there is a very little teenee tiny chance of me to be involved.

Comment and Share if you understand what I have to go through every time I’m headed towards the toilet.