I am a feces’ist

So it’s been almost 2 years since I’ve wrote anything, and my absence can be best justified as ,

“Longing for something is better than having it.”

But it’s about time that I empty my head of all the shit it’s been full of.

I won’t lie to you guys, but I’m a shitty writer. The only thing I’m good at writing is “SHIT’.  So I wrote a little something last night approximately at 3:40 Am after the Sehri. I was chilling. Hope you can judge me better from this post.

I have traveled the world and uncovered its mysteries. From all the places I've been, TOILET has been the most educating. It’s a common perception that people go in the toilet just to sit and do their "stuff" while reading text messages and tweets, refreshing the interaction tab hoping to get a retweet to their most recent tweet (Which most of the time is, “Going to the toilet. “ )  OR hoping somebody would tweet, “LOAD SHEDDING ENDED”. Well this is a basic psychology; it increases the 'pressure' if you know what I mean. Anyways...That is not the point. Let’s continue shall we.

To me toilet has been a "shitty" battlefield. For all my strategic planning, I move my ass to the toilet. Sometimes, in the “red alert” moments, it’s very urgent to take action as you can lose your dignity (Know what I mean).
Anyway I once went into the toilet on a full scale red alert. Alarms were buzzing inside my belly and the announcement was made,

"Warning! Warning! All gases and bombs are to be evacuated immediately. This is not a drill!!”

 After that, I immediately produced the "sirens”  which are to make the enemy aware that I have come to attack and also to let the Family members know that my toilet strategic planning has just started.
Then I called an air raid of B-52 Bombers which dropped toxic bombs on "Arabian Sea"...Splash!!! Dirty Water Everywhere! There was an outbreak of chlorofluorocarbons which depleted the ozone layer completely. (I don't care about global warming though). Then the radiation killed everyone. There were some dheet people left like Justin Bieber and Amir Liaqat and Ask.fm’rs. But then I called in a "tsunami".... they were killed successfully.

After that fateful incident, many questions were raised in my mind. One of the most prominent of them was that:

• ·         Would Americans call me a feces’ist??

• ·         Would they remember it just like 9/11, The Afghan and The Iraq war?

This is trash talk. One thing is for sure "Nargis Fakhri" is to blame ( YOU HEAR THAT NARGIS FAKHRI , YEAH YOU!!! I PUT THE BLAME ON YOU!! DO WHAT YOU CAN) perhaps Talibans are to blame. Perhaps the "One Direction’ers" or the relatives of "Ifrah Noor" are to be blamed. But there is a very little teenee tiny chance of me to be involved.

Comment and Share if you understand what I have to go through every time I’m headed towards the toilet.

Ne cliquez pas si vous êtes désespérés

just changed my blog name ...
do you know what it means ..
yea ryt ..!!  it means i know French.. :))
and literally it means
"Dont click if you're desperate"

anyways im back after a long time
kiun...??  exams jo ho rahay hain..!!
bhai ko bra shook hai exams me time waste karnay ka.. :)
paper b toh probability ka hai..
are you good at math ...??
alright then pass this question to prove you are ..What's 2+2=    ??

Pranks to play on people in school

Want to have fun at your school??  Why not try some of these pranks to cheer your friends up?

1.    Carry a baseball bat with you to your school. Go to one of your teacher who's sitting alone..Talk about anything: business, sports, any such useless subject matter will do. Then while he's not paying attention, hit him with you'r baseball bat. Then hold the bat in your hand with a cute expression on you'r face. Say "..oh i'm sorry, does it hurts?? I'm Going to do this again if you won't smile"..

Then say "HAHA just kidding.." . Hit him again after a while and repeat.. He'll die of laughter.. :D

2.   Put some stinky egg white in you'r class fellow's (female) bag... After the school , call her parents and tell them to check her bag..  first they think it's something else, and think that their daughter is in a relation with a guy..but when they'll find that its just an egg white ..they'll call you and you all will have a good laugh. =p

3.  Try this to cheer up your buddies: First, stop by a gag store and buy some fake blood. Then go to see your teacher (who beat you guy's a lot) in his office (bring an iron bar). While you're talking to your teacher, cover the iron bar in blood and drop it on the ground. Put some blood on your hand and run out into the hallway screaming "AHHH.. he hit me!" They'll fire him. Nobody will believe him when he says he didn't do it because he usually beat's the shit out of you guy's, and you people can have a good laugh together after you get rid of him.

These are just a few of the prank's you can do in your school or tell your little brother to do to get a good laugh.. 

 Try them and let me know if you find them useful. 

205 have tried my method to cheer people up.. and failed.

PICK UP LINE

 if i happen to be a super man ..you know what would be my pick up line...
id say , "Come to me baby..i can take you higher by just putting my hand on your waist.."  =D

Alright, that was just the bla bla stuff..
Last night i was watching a stand up comedy...The person said, " Sex is the answer to my desires"..
i dont agree with this approch..i think ,
Sex is the question , YES is the answer...!! =p


HEy good news...my friend's bitch  is pragnent..   o hello !! *i mean the real bitch*  =p
 n he said , he'd give the puppy to me..
i've come up with a name for my puppy..i'm going to call him.."BooBs" ..=p
so that , whenevr i'll kiss him.. people say.."eeew he's kissing BooBs"..=p

see how creative i am..:)
bus me aisa he hoon..!!
acha hon na?? nai..!!
ok ..!!

chalo ta ta..

SUPER POWERS

I want to have superpowers like, superman did or like in ”HEROS” . May be quit studying and start fighting some crime..=p You know most of the people want to ‘fly’..that’s the no 1 power . If I ask you guys “What if I grant you a super power..?” you’d say..”Talha I want to fly”..Yeah !! who the hell don’t..

But if someone asks me, then I’d say : “I’d like to be able to shoot SHIT out of my finger tips”  *Ppphtt* ..=p . Coz nobody wana be covered in shit   ..No one. Then it’d b a lot easier for me to deal with rude people. Like if im in a date with a girl whose very rude …I’d belike……….you know what *Ppphtttt*  AAAhhaahahaha…Enjoy taking shit from me coz you’r rude..=D

THE OTHER THING I WANA DO :

    I’d love to travel in time in a time machine. I’d like to go back in time ……mess with people.  Here’s what I do… I’d go back to my uncle (I don’t like him at all) , when he’d b like at my age masturbating alone in his room, I’d spank him on his ass “AAAaaahahahah …im from future …AAAhahahaha …im ur friends son from future..haha…and here’s what you deserve *Pppphhhtttttt*”..he’d say “ What the fuck is this”..thats the shit from the future..Aaahahahah…Enjoy being covered in shit you shithole …=D

But these are just dreams …dreams I want to come true..

ADVERTISEMENT :

           Stop being a DOG

                                  Come visit my BLOG  *PPpphtt*  =D

EXAM , phir se

Yarh abi toh khatm hoey thay..phir aa gaey ..
aaaann :(( don't like them at all....who the hell dose..??
exams are like 8 days away and tyari...zara c b nai hai....!!
pora semister nai parha and ab end me aa k b ive stared bloging nd writing all the lame  stuff here
is this just  me ya sub ke exams me yei haal hota hai..like parhai k ilava  sub karne ka dil karta hai...??

ok moi mom's calling ...seem's like i have some work to do...!!
men na hota toh pta nai kese chalta ye ghar...=p

I AM AN ASS

Life is all about ass. You're either covering it, laughing it off,
kicking it, kissing it, busting it or trying to get a piece of it.
so your life is all about ME..=p

 i'll be an electrical engineer in some years...you know what im gona do after that ..i'd like to design a toilet machine ,that , when you flush ,it say's : "Thank you for shitting me..I enjoyed your shit.." =D
SPECIAL FEATURE : you can add the voice ,in that toilet machine, of anyone you don't like at all...=p